Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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