I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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