Are we in a gay sports bar?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
