Tell her she can't have a vagina
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
