Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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