PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
