the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
