Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
