There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
