he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
