I wish I could punch you in the face.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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