in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
