I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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