I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
