I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
