I feel like I'm in dance class right now
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
