I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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