Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
