Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
