im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
