I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
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If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
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Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize