me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
