We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
