don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
