is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
