talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
