These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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