the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
