On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
