It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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