Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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