Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
