awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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