And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
