I think I am morally bankrupt
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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