Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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