My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Two words: nipple clamps
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