yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
