guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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