Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
