Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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