Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
