We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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