Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
