Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He better not be in your backpack
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
God I need to hump something, right now.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
