Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
