Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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