lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
