I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
