my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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