If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
