The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
