So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
