can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
