I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
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My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize