I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!