Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
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There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
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he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.