his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place