my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
