She is in my trunk
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
