Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
