I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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