I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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