Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
