I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
