i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
