I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
